Listening and Doing March 3, 2009

   James 1:19- Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

 

   I don’t really hate people. I’m angry. I am going to be looking and studying on God’s word to try and overcome my anger the way God tells me too. I am in school of instruction for my soul. God is growing me in patience, maturity, and wisdom. I will try to except my trials with joy because God loves me and sent his only sinless son, Jesus, to take the punishment for me and all who believe.

    Sometimes anger is an appropriate response to injustice and sin, but when it goes unchecked or is misdirected, it can cause great destruction. Stewing over resentment takes people’s focus off God. Venting frustration through silent rage or explosive temper tantrums just leads to negative tension.

    In Hebrews 10:24 God has a better idea of what we can do with our energy. ” And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”  Thank you to my brothers and sisters in Christ who offer support and encouragement, love and hope, when life gets crazy.

    I’m looking forward to redirecting my anger into love and God’s work.

This Too Shall Pass February 26, 2009

Nothing is forever in this life.

As I sit here typing on this keyboard, my eyes are burning from a restless night and lots of crying. God always seems to pick the middle of the night to speak to me.

I have really been struggling about something for almost a year. Pushing it back and pushing it back. Last night it came crashing into my bedroom while I slept, like a freight train. Poor Michael, he has to get up early and he is always the one next to me when God opens my eyes. He just listened while I poured my heart out. I thought by the time I left for work I had it under control. But the thinking and crying started again. Uncontrollably the tears fell down my face as I drove down the road, crying out to God to help me understand. Still crying when I got to work, I knew I couldn’t be in the same room with fourteen 4-yr-olds. So I went to the sanctuary and put my face flat on the altar and cryed again to God: “I am a lover, not a hater. Please Lord, take this hate from me!” I regained control and went to sign in when a co-worker said, “smile Jamie.” And of course you know that sent me right back to instability.

Thank God I work at the church I attend. My pastor was right there to counsel me this morning. I can only imagine what he was thinking at first. Almost hysterically crying I told him “I’m ashamed to say it…..I HATE PEOPLE!” I felt torn and beaten. Broken like never before. Like I was wrestling with God like Jacob wrestled with God  in that tent. I felt like God opened my eyes and I was still wrestling with what to do. I have a really great, caring pastor who talked with me and explained some things and prayed for me. I was able to go to my class and I have made it through the day. I texted Michael “I talked to Mr.Porter and I feel better.” He texted back “Wonderful. I should have called him at 3:30 this a.m. haha”