This Too Shall Pass February 26, 2009

Nothing is forever in this life.

As I sit here typing on this keyboard, my eyes are burning from a restless night and lots of crying. God always seems to pick the middle of the night to speak to me.

I have really been struggling about something for almost a year. Pushing it back and pushing it back. Last night it came crashing into my bedroom while I slept, like a freight train. Poor Michael, he has to get up early and he is always the one next to me when God opens my eyes. He just listened while I poured my heart out. I thought by the time I left for work I had it under control. But the thinking and crying started again. Uncontrollably the tears fell down my face as I drove down the road, crying out to God to help me understand. Still crying when I got to work, I knew I couldn’t be in the same room with fourteen 4-yr-olds. So I went to the sanctuary and put my face flat on the altar and cryed again to God: “I am a lover, not a hater. Please Lord, take this hate from me!” I regained control and went to sign in when a co-worker said, “smile Jamie.” And of course you know that sent me right back to instability.

Thank God I work at the church I attend. My pastor was right there to counsel me this morning. I can only imagine what he was thinking at first. Almost hysterically crying I told him “I’m ashamed to say it…..I HATE PEOPLE!” I felt torn and beaten. Broken like never before. Like I was wrestling with God like Jacob wrestled with God  in that tent. I felt like God opened my eyes and I was still wrestling with what to do. I have a really great, caring pastor who talked with me and explained some things and prayed for me. I was able to go to my class and I have made it through the day. I texted Michael “I talked to Mr.Porter and I feel better.” He texted back “Wonderful. I should have called him at 3:30 this a.m. haha”

The Rich Young Ruler February 10, 2009

In Matthew 19:16-30 there is a story of a rich young man who comes to Jesus and asks what he needed to do to get eternal life. Jesus told him to follow the commandments. The man replied that he had kept all the commandments. He had not committed murder or adultery. He had not stolen or given false testimony. He had honored his mother and father and loved his neighbor as himself. Then Jesus answered by telling him to sell all his posessions and give it to the poor, then come and follow him. The man went away sad because he had great wealth and could not part with it.

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Jesus answers with a series of responses to show the man that he has a need for a righteousness far greater then his own- the righteousness of the Messiah.
The man thinks he has done everything right until Jesus reveals to him the inner workings of his unrighteous heart. He doesn’t really love his neighbor or God enough to sell his posessions.
This story is so eye opening for me. It really is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. I think that if Jesus told me to sell everything and give it to the poor. I would, but then I think of this man and even the disciples and John The Baptist and our human nature of skepticism.

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I know I can be so selfish. We are planning a yard sale for the spring and we were asking the kids what would they want to do with the money we raised. One said ” I don’t know?”, one said “lets get one of those flat tv’s that go on the wall.”, and the other said” Lets give it to someone who needs it.”
I pray that God gives us all a heart for giving. Sometimes we might think we don’t have anything but if we have a computer to read this post, we have a lot more then some.
What does the story of the rich young ruler make you think about?

WOW February 6, 2009

wow!!! two posts in one day!!!! I was just checking my emails and my dad has a blog. I am so excited. I have it on my links. http:/sempiternalharmony.wordpress.com

Check it out. It is a blog about living together in peace and harmony.

classical music makes you smarter February 6, 2009

People who know me might would say that I can be kind of dingy sometimes. One of many examples to give you a laugh is when I was in high school I took Taxidermy, thinking , it would teach me to do people’s taxes and the first day of school I walked into class and there were stuffed animals everywhere. I still didn’t get it. I thought it was just a really weird math teacher. It wasn’t until he started to teach us the bones in the hand that I realized this was not what I thought.
I pretty much take what people say seriously. I would consider myself a smart person but for some reason I just have these moments where I just don’t get it.
I remember in the 80’s I saw a study on classical versus rock in high school students and testing. The students who listened to the classical music before a test did better.
I have always liked classical music along with all other music but now I have decided to put it in my rotation.
I’ve been doing this for afew months now and Michael says I am definitely smarter.hahahaha!
Classical music is beautiful in melody and is very soothing and mind opening.
Everyone should try it. you might like it.